


SugarCrush

by MatchBoy



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Apathetic Character, Body Image, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Past Tense, Sapnap is my comfort character, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, im completely using this to vent, my ed has gotten bad again, no real names used, persona only, sapnap has a ED, 🍃 iykyk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:02:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29524740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatchBoy/pseuds/MatchBoy
Summary: Nothing was okay, his brain didn’t work right. The endless thoughts, his pissy attitude, the exhaustion he felt constantly.He just wanted everything to end.It wouldn’t Ofcourse.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), None
Kudos: 26





	SugarCrush

**Author's Note:**

> Read the MF tags bitches. This is a vent fic, I’m projecting like a motha fucker onto sapnaps character because why not. wrote this in a rush because I’m fucking annoyed at life and literally can’t stand anything lmao have a good read

Sapnap knew it wasn’t healthy not that it mattered anyways. It was a urge, a craving at this point. Eating even three chips before the voices were back, his throat begging to be filled with his fingers to force up whatever he had eaten. 

The shame he felt as he sat on the marbled floor of the bathroom, hunched over the toilet. His fingers slick with saliva as he repeatedly shoved them down his throat. 

He has been pretty good at holding off the temptation, he had always been stubborn after all. He didn’t want to worry his friends. He wasn’t that much of a attention whore.

Moving in with Dream was great, probably one of the best decisions of his life. Dream was his bestfriend, it was so easy to be around him. However, that did make his unhealthy coping mechanisms harder to use. 

He didn’t want to be questioned everytime he showed up inside blitzed, sometimes Dream wouldn’t see him for half a day and then he would emerge stoned out of his mind, smiling and laughing. 

“Why do you smoke so often?” That was the question wasn’t it. 

How was he supposed to explain to his bestfriend that if he didn’t smoke, his brain would urge him to throw up any little thing he ate. At least with the weed circulating his system he didn’t think. He wanted to stop thinking. 

The intrusive thoughts of slamming his head against his wall until his brain turned to mush was a attractive one, although he wouldn’t do it. He had more self control than that. 

Suicide attempts were more far in between than his eating disorder, the thoughts about it were almost constant though. 

He remembered breaking down in his shitty half duck taped car after he almost went off a cliff. It had scared him, he was only 16 at the time. 

The impulse to just end it all, to finally get it over with. He didn’t feel like himself. He felt like he was floating, he didn’t want to be real. 

He didn’t though, he’s a scared little shit at heart. Breaking down in his car, pulled over on the side of the road. 

The exhaustion he started experiencing with his other friends was pissing him off, and in turn he was getting pissed at them. Bullshitting his way through advice he would give them. 

His messages turned from paragraphs of support to one lined responses. He didn’t owe them anything, their relationships were going to shit wow how was that his problem.

Where did they get off only texting him when they needed something, wanted support, wanting ANYTHING from him. 

On second thought sitting on the ground, rethinking his entire life and getting pissed at himself and everything wasn’t a good idea. A knock on the door startled him out of his spaced out sense. 

Clearing his throat, “yeah?” Thankfully he was able to control the emotion in his voice, the roughness of throwing up repeatedly didn’t help voice though. 

“Hey Sap, you’ve been in there for a while. You good, dude?” 

The ever caring friend he had in Dream, a small smile lifted onto his lips before he sighed and stood up on numb legs. It felt sorta nice the prickling needles in his legs as the blood began to flow normally. 

“Yeah dude I’ll be out in a second” he didn’t listen for Dreams response before he turned the facet on and washed his hands, flushing the toilet after wiping it down to make sure none of his vomit was left over. 

He leaned down under the facet, opening his mouth to swish around the water before spitting it out. Turning the water off he rubbed his eyes with his palms before ruffling his hair. 

Nothing was fine but he didn’t have the choice but to pretend it was, the last time he had told someone about his Eating Disorder it was his mom who was ignoring him anyways. Some of his old friends even got pissed about it. 

“You’re not throwing up right?” 

“No” a lie 

“Good don’t” 

“I won’t” another lie

He took a deep breathe before turning the door handle, a smile bright on his face. Nothing was fine but he was working with what he had.


End file.
